| Monday, March 05, 2007 |
| Invaded |
My home is no longer safe.
Open doors and windows around the clock has meant a constant threat of invasion, but up until now I've been able to put my fears aside and go on living as normal.
Not anymore.
Last night, we were invaded.
...
By the biggest, fattest, hairiest spider you've ever seen.
It was around 22:00h, I was readying myself for a good night's slumber, in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Just as I was counting my last few strokes what did I see in the mirror on the wall behind me, but this gigantic mother fucker!
I screamed, mouth full of toothpaste, turned around so fast that I banged my hip on the counter and sent the hair straightener crashing to the ground. Clutching my hip, I made a dash for the doorway, only to get my foot entangled in the hair straightener's cord. I lost my balance and bomb dived at the doorway, smashing my other hip in the process.
Despite the enormous amount of pain and a still foamy mouth, I managed to crawl out of the bathroom and into my bedroom where I shut the door and had my own little nervous breakdown.
I never thought I was scared of spiders until I saw this fella. He is Lord of the Spiders.
I told my roommates and they laughed themselves stupid. Apparently they're not scared of spiders. Pfft! It's not a spider, it's a mutant! They refused to remove it, even going so far as to share the shower with it. Ha!
So nothing was done about the mutant spider, and this morning I awoke to find it gone.
My house is no longer safe. The enemy has invaded. It's here, hiding, waiting... I think I have to move. |
posted by Jac @ 10:20 AM  |
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| 12 Comments: |
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I'm not scared of much.
Except spiders.
I scream like a prepubescent teenage girl at an N'Sync concert as soon as I see one.
Bastards.
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I used to live by myself and once had to move out for four days because of the biggest spider in the world was on my kitchen wall. Eventually after the usual Friday night drinking sessions I went back with all the dutch courage I could muster. It was still there in the same spot and I had to kill it, I was too terrified to do anything else.
There's no reason for me to be so scared of the big ones, I've never had a bad incident, but it seems to something I can't quite control.
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I'm not sure what's worse, seeing a giant spider or just knowing one is somewhere around the house hiding.
It's extremley non-Buddhist but I suggest you get a Moretein bomb and put it in the house while everyone is gone one day. That will cure your creepy crawly problems, albeit temporarily.
I don't understand why you can call wildlife people if a snake is in your house, but not if a spider is in your house. I would happy pay someone to solve the problem for me.
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just tell me it wasn't a GHD.....
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HOLY CRAP.
I tell people I am ok with spiders, and little ones I can deal with. BUT THAT IS HUGE!!!
It makes me feel all funny in the tummy just looking at it. Luckily not many spiders in this country...especially not any big ones like that.
Hope you find it, and can get somebody to put it outside.
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Holy hell!! How can you sit there and google 'big fucken scary hairy huntsmen' just to decorate your post... I DEMAND you remove that photo!!
It's giving me nightmares *cries*
You killed that Cold Rock Spider that night, so I know you have it in you - Shoo spidey! Shoo!!
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I love it how no one was concerned/amused by the fact that I tripped (out) and fell and hurt myself. I thought that was the best part!
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Oh Jac! I am sorry. I hope your HIP bones are feeling better. Be glad you didn`t trip, fall over and have the spider fall on you while you in the ground.
Cringes* The idea of spiders crawling on me, or anyone else really freaks me out!
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Spider int the shower. Eeech.
I'm not freaky by spiders as long as I have my number 9 boots on.
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I actually laughed at the bit about you tripping and falling over- not because I think it's funny you hurt yourself, but because I had visions of you lying powerless on the floor while the spider jumped on you and attacked. Which of course it didn't.
It looks a lot like the spider I slayed last weekend... maybe it's something about Sunday nights? My chosen method of slaying was significant amounts of fly spray to stun it, followed by a rubber thong. I know it sounds tough, but you did slay the Cold Rock spider... you mest have it in you!
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hey hon,
noice spider!!! i'm not sure i'd be happy with that sort of visitor.
now as for sending you $10, can i write it off on tax as a donation?? send me your details baby... i'm sure i've got $10 i didn't spend in America!!!
xx
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Well I for one was reading the post not thinking "ew a spider" but thinking "comedy gold, slapstick genius"!! When Adam and I make a movie I'm sure this scene will be in it. I don't think Ben Stiller could have done it better!
Oh, and the other thing I was thinking was "she counts the number of toothbrush strokes???"
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I'm not scared of much.
Except spiders.
I scream like a prepubescent teenage girl at an N'Sync concert as soon as I see one.
Bastards.